I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
