Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
whose parrot is this?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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