i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
