my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
