I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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