He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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