All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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