i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
