perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
