I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
this hospital has no fireball
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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