so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
