Who did Billy Mays play for?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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