Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
