he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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