Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
