the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
