i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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