she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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