Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
