I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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