So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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