I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
