If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you had me at cake vodka
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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