Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
