dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize