I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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