Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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