i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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