I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
