Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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