After last night, I could never be a politician.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
