if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
