my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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