Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
