I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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