We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize