I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
