I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
