What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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