fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
