I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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