what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
