I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
