My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't deserve a penis
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
