we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
