I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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