Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
