apparently the secret to your success is patron
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize