she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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