I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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