Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
