i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
