Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
