Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
