apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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