I love black thongs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
