Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize