if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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