$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
