I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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