There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
