She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
