So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
