i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
