ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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