I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
