Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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