so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
