i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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